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day 3 march 8

So I'm excited for the opportunity I got a bed date. " Not what you think" It's a opening at a rehab facility nearby. That day is the 15th. And so I need to go Detox my body before then. Soooo I make a appointment and plan on going on the 11. At 11:00 which seems like all the forces are with me.  So I get ready I arrange a ride. I stay up all night because I believe it's my last night doing drugs. Well I put a note on the door asking everyone to stay away because I want time alone with my BF. What a fucking joke he ends up just being cold and distant. I spend all night cleaning the kitchen and bedroom and bathroom so it's not left a mess. Then I forget or self sabatouge by not taking the note down. And no one comes by including my ride to detox... Then next day rolls around and we end up getting a car. So thinking we have a car I'll take myself to detox on the 12th.  Ya right car is not up to it. I stay awake all night again. So now I'm delirious and h...
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Year 55. Day 1.

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Thia is how I feel, on the verge of crying stressed out lost but hopeful missed my exit 6 years ago it's coming up again and I'm ready to get off this time line I will and am already projected to merge back into the timeline of life,sanity,solace peace and direction.  Have driven boat near the rocky shore once again. 3 weeks away from loosing my home due to unpaid taxes. Gaines 20 lbs using fety. Chemicals are the first order of the day every day  Saying I want to get sane and sober in my journals for 11 years .. Divorce sent me down this path. And it looks like another divorce is impending. This one I will be sober for. Due to the extreme amount of time it took to get thru the grief of the last one. This one will be fucked. Already is..... He is cheating   It's the very worst feeling I have every time he walks out the door. Comes home smiling smelling like he's been fucking for two hours. Goes straight to the bath yells at me calls me names and I do this...
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