Year 55. Day 1.

Thia is how I feel, on the verge of crying stressed out lost but hopeful missed my exit 6 years ago it's coming up again and I'm ready to get off this time line I will and am already projected to merge back into the timeline of life,sanity,solace peace and direction.  Have driven boat near the rocky shore once again. 3 weeks away from loosing my home due to unpaid taxes. Gaines 20 lbs using fety. Chemicals are the first order of the day every day

 Saying I want to get sane and sober in my journals for 11 years

.. Divorce sent me down this path. And it looks like another divorce is impending. This one I will be sober for. Due to the extreme amount of time it took to get thru the grief of the last one. This one will be fucked. Already is..... He is cheating 

 It's the very worst feeling I have every time he walks out the door. Comes home smiling smelling like he's been fucking for two hours. Goes straight to the bath yells at me calls me names and I do this

Because I don't want to give him the energy of sadness fear and other low vibe bullshit.  

I wanted him to be happy how can I fault him for finding it. But damn him for not just leaving so I can deal with it and move on.  

I know the demons they send for me are well trained. I've been here 55 years and seen them in almost every face that I love.  Hey well at least I know now and finally am learning how to get them out of my loved ones. I'm not afraid of the dark I am finally embracing learning about it. Because I have been shaken by it and always turned my head. Just ignoring it. Inside terrified knowing it has had me a few times under a spell certainly.... so ya now I know a little and am embracing learning about how to truly live free and become unfucklwithable.  Biggest challenge... drugs rule my over emotionsal mind and body.  They definitely put a huge cease and desist on ot.  But the time is now. 

*,><>>>>  I'm coming up so you better get the party started Ya get the party started cuz I'm am going to do whatever I want. Whatever brings me JOY 

 My vibration matters the most and I'm done allowing my people pleasing programs to please others self is getting transmuted to pleasing myself honestly, humble abundance full of gratitude. Pure bliss is my goal... Them I will bring on others my energy is sacred and I am learning to fiercely honor that. I have a gift and the world needs me to be on point with it

 I need to be on point with it. here I go

l vow not to put others opinions about me before my own opinion of myself. That is what the commandments thou shalt not have any other gods before me.  Means. Honor the God  within.. 

Feel free to join me I got no shame in my game. And people need to see addicts are people. It's not imoral to have a disease. It is imoral to not use my gifts to shine the brightest that I can. Immoral to place  society opinions of addicts before my own opinion of self.  Putting other gods before this SELF is the first rule. According to the book..   so now I finally will walk the path of honor myself so that I may share my BEST POSSIBLE VERSION with you.  Ooo{h exciting.  Checking into detox in two days.  Doc fety or heroin meth. Tobacco.