day 3 march 8

So I'm excited for the opportunity I got a bed date. " Not what you think"

It's a opening at a rehab facility nearby. That day is the 15th. And so I need to go Detox my body before then. Soooo I make a appointment and plan on going on the 11. At 11:00 which seems like all the forces are with me.  So I get ready I arrange a ride. I stay up all night because I believe it's my last night doing drugs. Well I put a note on the door asking everyone to stay away because I want time alone with my BF. What a fucking joke he ends up just being cold and distant. I spend all night cleaning the kitchen and bedroom and bathroom so it's not left a mess. Then I forget or self sabatouge by not taking the note down. And no one comes by including my ride to detox... Then next day rolls around and we end up getting a car. So thinking we have a car I'll take myself to detox on the 12th.  Ya right car is not up to it. I stay awake all night again. So now I'm delirious and have all these people contacting me about a loan because my BF signs up for about 20 of them to call me. I already went down this path and cannot get a loan. I am busy comparing offers and gathering paperwork for the last 4 years income to file for bankruptcy as well as disability. Running at 20% brain function. Hardly able to send a fucking email. So set up a ride for 13th to detox finally go to bed get a solid night's sleep and wake up to snow.  1st snow all winter.. march 13. About 4 inches so no ride to detox again. What is universe telling me.  ??

So I'm going to go live on tictoc offering a 3 minute healing then if they want a appointment they can go to a website I set up and make appts. 799 1hr. 999 2hrs and 200 half hr. As well as donation for full 10. Soooooo

I believe I am capable of earning the 15k I need .  More than capable. My BF is attempting to bring me down every way. Still no sex. And a whole lotta of rallying everyone is out to get me. Every one is rooting for my failure he comes across as a Savior but actions show. Complete chaos. Making huge messes everywhere .  He doesn't deal well with situations like this. He is scattered and creating absolute chaos around me. 

I am headphones on meditating and avoiding him as well as the 4 to 6 people here all the fucking time. He is cheating on me as well. Thinks I don't know. Well what kind of man doesn't have sex with GF. But bathes before work... He works with oysters at beach. And then comes home avoids me and runs a bath spending the entire night in bathroom. Comes out when coworker gets here to take him to work again.   Well what do you think.   Oh ya and is so fucking obnoxious and loud. Just certain to tell everyone I am just fetyed out and couldn't pay attention to anything as I'm always nodded out from drugs...  Wow what a guy. No help with the home auction. Won't ask anyone he knows for money. But he's shouting that everyone is against us trying to steal the property.  Says he's gonna kill the county people.  Great what a comfort right.., 

So thanks for letting me share. Now I'm going to get firewood noone else will and it's freezing in here.  They are all high being entertained by BF. I'm doing this trying to get sane and sober. I am I am I am. Love

:)12